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who you were

by freddie blooms

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1.
it's getting dark, i've been tired for a while i am sad to see you've been afraid to smile take the train, i am thousands miles gone but you're here and for now i am home i'm sure you've heard that this year has been a hard one as for you, you can't help but feel alone in the city on the tracks, watch you slowly start to crumble you're afraid that we might not be okay when we're older it's hard to make it last, i know pass the places that i never used to go meet the people that i never got to know in your room sit alone with my guitar and i wonder how i could be at home i am not the first to love you but i will be the last to leave i would fall without you standing next to me and for now, i am home
2.
she's picking her moment, she's making her plans all of her dreams are dying to fly he's grown so tired of the hollow facades he misses the summer when he felt alive we're singing the old songs, we're drowning in air all of our love is living alone some of us leaving, some of us stuck in time all of us needing a place to come home please don't say there was never a point and please don't fail to notice the beauty around i'm just one person and i've come here on my own but i'm not leaving you, i'll never let you down she's closing to eyes to the good in the world mistaking desire for all that is real he's playing so cool now, he got what he wanted but he can't even understand what he feels lost, we're so lost on this side lost, in you, i'm lost, and i am fine lost, in all our love, in all our ecstasy and pain lost, but we're okay, we're all okay please don't say there was never a point and please don't fail to notice the beauty around i'm just one person and i've come here on my own but i'm not leaving you, i'll never let you down
3.
passed out in your car again see you lying through your teeth, claim to hate your friends hear you're hitting up the streets cos you play pretend know you're hoping somewhere's home that you've never been you're wacked out, nowhere to begin your life is too fucked up for you to dream again since you can't sell lies i hear you screaming them can't remember why you loved us or believed in him see us comin to a crawl i forget we loved at all just crawlin right along feels like it was yesterday we were best friends, i was bound to pay for your hard luck, tried to find a way love was just a vision, we could never stay i’m fed up with your misery your bad dreams, they are haunting me i regret that i’m starting to agree with your self-fulfilling promise of insanity see us comin to a crawl the city it is sinking to the bottom of the dirty sea your ghost is floating faster far away from me your family is struggling just hoping to believe i am waiting for the day that you've decided not to breathe you promise you're not scared to die if that's true dunno how or why you try to get through by believing lies if everything is failing what is your reply cos you're stuck up on the negative i was there, you told me that you wanna live now you don't care, nothin left to give this dirty city, its dirty sea i once believed in you back when you believed in me your ghost is rising and we're coming to a crawl i forget we loved at all just crawling right along
4.
you pay for a life you're reluctant to live refusing to take so you wont have to give you're keeping control but you're losing it all and you won't let it go so you don't get to fall so here they shall guide you along the high roads you're singing and swinging, you do what you're told but only the silence will lead you to light your demons are winning without having to fight you're fearing the future, analyzing the past you're certain that love alone cannot last you swallow the truth and project all the lies and with every step comes a new compromise so let the current run against you, let the bandits have their way and she'll watch you from the shoreline as you spill, what a pitiful decay you're stuck by the prospect of living alone ignoring the ways you have traveled and grown you're drowned in a river of treacherous pain at least when you're shallow you still have the rain you call out their names while you're swimming in wine and you don't believe but you pray for a sign you know with the seasons their memories will fade each day you continue your sad masquerade so let the current run against you, let the bandits have their way and she'll watch you from the shoreline as you spill, what a pitiful decay
5.
the city is drowning in its ever present rain kids splash through puddles soaking but they never do complain back at the high school they are fighting to stay young singing their anthems because the darkness hasn't won they miss you in portland, i can tell she's only happy when her living room is full he's watching baseball, he's taking drives with billy joel they're smoking cigarettes, waiting for a sign all they can hope for is just a little peace of mind they miss you in portland, i can tell you could come home, tell them they had it wrong we could go back, save the sad songs for another day they miss you in portland, i can tell
6.
you have your scene and i have my reasons you know the season’s always gonna change i don’t believe in lovers leaving just comes from being worn out from the rain i used to see her when i was sleeping she’d be sick and crying out to me since the summer made us older i’ve been colder, i don’t care to dream is living worth the price of giving up of letting go of all that i swore i’d hold onto out through the dark and stormy night i meet him daily in eyes of strangers all the danger’s faded from my fears i still need them, i still breathe them but i’m dry of honesty and tears is living worth the price of getting old of realizing nothing you can hold in your hand lasts for long, just a moment then it’s gone if i could show her everything she missed writing songs, seeing stars, the way i fell in love i’m so lonely, ungrateful, i’d give it all away to hear your voice, touch your hand oh my god if we could stand by the lake where we first met if you could be alive with me i’m not scared and i am certain someday all our hurting will desist til then i’ll collect a pile of every piece of lauren i have missed
7.
it's not the way i'd like to know i'd rather see your face instead of hanging on the phone lines and leaving you in space no one has the perfect words when the world falls apart and even holding makes you lonely i am not the one to tell you you're gonna be safe but i'll stay up all night i'll keep your bad dreams at bay you're so beautiful but your heart is caving in when the moment comes you call me, i’ll be there i'll take the next train home from boston and i will hold you close take down the barricades you had to face, i’ll be there i don't have the answers i don't know where we should begin but i don't think it's fair that all of us are so afraid of living i'll take the next train home i'll be there
8.
life it has you spinning in every direction your eyes are getting narrow, you’re just waiting for the end the sky is falling lower, i’m just hoping you’re alive although living is uncomfortable and no one will survive started thinking i was lonely, started feeling fine started learning how to handle all these tragedies of mine i guess that’s getting older, i guess that’s what i’ll do never thought that i was capable of moving on from you could have sworn i was in love, could have sworn you broke my heart but nothing changes timing now i don’t know who you are i guess i hope you miss me, i guess that i still care when i make my way across the states i hope i find you there today we’ll let the light heal our hearts i spent all my time just fighting to hold on to all my pain i’m still struggling to understand you wanted it this way cos the beauty overwhelmed me but the sadness did me in i found caring left me crying, i had wanted to begin my heart had fallen fast into the hands of something real understanding’s difficult, it’s easier to feel you found me in the darkness and i started to unfold never wanted someone bad enough to leave the truth untold your roses line my trails but the season’s uninspired sometimes loving makes me lonely, sometimes sleeping makes me tired it’s okay the plans we’re making might not ever leave our heads it’s worth it just to see you lying next to me in bed i know that you will hurt me i’ll probably hurt you too but our hearts could stand the healing for the moment i’ll be true to you today we’ll let the light heal our hearts
9.
i last saw you at the deli on the boulevard you breathe your cigarettes like air you said you'd rather be alone than face the doubt inside the great unknown find some peace of mind out there you're south of the city and you say that's where you'll stay, at least a while you say this is who you are now but i don't recognize your heart now i know faking it has never been your style so how's it feel to be out on your own like we used to sing, you're just a rolling stone and you've made it clear that you're better off without me and what's it like to deny how you feel ignore all the things you once swore were real i know you'll remember them tomorrow your identity's not separate from the ones you love you will never be alone we'll become the means of finding your stability you will never be alone [chorus I] i don't think if you're alone you're free 'cos i've held your love and i know you see people give this crumbling world its worth [chorus III]
10.
there's a chance i'll see you in december but i'm leaving you i can't help but remember all the nights i looked in your eyes and saw the truth the sun's begun to share its love but our hearts have run and hide you close your eyes and take in all the darkness but i look up and see the sky there's a chance i won't be back for winter so don't wait up for me you will find someone to tolerate your selfish love and i will run free i will head to new york city write another bitter song about the space inside your chest until you understand there's two ways on the road that we are sharing there's a chance you'll miss me in the morning when i'm running from the sunset while you're wishing you could fly and i know there's a chance that this will be the last time we are here and you don't believe and you don't believe in me

about

dear friends,

in the spirit of releasing perfectionism and to honor the seasons of my heart, i am excited to share this acoustic collection of old songs. i am struck by how these writings from ages of 17-20 illuminate the insight about healing i have always held, even if i haven't always been ready to act. i cherish this collection as a reminder to nurture compassion for my present-day self, and a sense of trust in the seasons of healing and transformation yet to come.

xo freddie

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released January 10, 2020

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freddie blooms California

freddie blooms is an artist living in california.

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